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Holiday and GSS

Someone pointed out that my latest blog post sounded suicidal. It dawned on me that...sheez yea it does sound like it!

Allow me to reassure that I was just randomly ranting like I always do when I feel angsty. I missed being in a foreign land and meeting new people, forgetting about the past and worrying about the future, simply living in the present and at the moment.

My holiday plans are still not finalized but I hope I can go to Japan. Korea is unfortunately cancelled :(.

I do hope to visit Australia, although the only thing thats holding me back is the cold. I'll have to wrap myself up like a rice dumpling instead of looking all glamorous in trench coats, stockings and boots.

By the way, today I had a sneak peek of the world since my attachment last ended on Sunday, and Oh my! GSS is indeed enticing. I regret to inform that I have bought $115 worth of merchandise in just one random shopping session. And they are worthless make-up products that I already have in my bursting drawer.

I have also bought more dresses to fill the wardrobe, which is on the verge of exploding.

I cant wait to do muay thai again and do something different from my usual working routine. I need some refreshment in my life.

I also need the coughs I've been experiencing to go away for they are a huge disruption to my slumber.

I want to be far far away!

Yes! I'm finally done with attachments.

Can't wait for KOREA and Australia!

The ideal situation is to leave Singapore for many months and only come back in August for work, because i don't have much of a choice.

I want to live another life for a while.

I don't wanna be back at all.

I want to live in a place where nobody knows who I am and where I am fully uncontactable.

Especially on my birthday. I'm through and done with this present life, and my birthday wish is to live another life. That is all.

A pity I can't be in a faraway land on my birthday because my best friend who's going to Korea with me needs to be back by then. Maybe I should try travelling alone!

But with my innate talent of getting lost, I believe I'll never return again should I attempt to do so.

Like a boss

Life sucks when...

You're ill but you have a ton of things to do.

You cannot solve the mountain-load of problems.

You're feeling lousy but you feel the need to produce a masterpiece.

You feel that you're not good enough for anything.

You cannot meet the expectations of others.

everyday you're struggling to perfect something that will never be.

everyday is a losing race.

you have a low self-esteem.

you realize that you're the only person, who does not believe in herself, but you can't do much about it either.

Oh my tian

This is top secret. I don't think I'm supposed to scream it out cos' results are not officially out yet but...

As I was pulling my hair and cursing and swearing while working on the publication and congress presentation, I received an email from my prof.

I thought it was about doing more work so I opened the email reluctantly.

To my greatest surprise, it was an email congratulating me for being the only one in the cohort for getting A+ for my thesis.

So I screamed and ran out of my room like a really crazy woman.

OMIGAWDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Honestly, when I was reviewing my thesis after I submitted, I wanted to beat myself up for making silly mistakes that I spotted, and told myself that I would be extremely glad if I could even get a B+. I know its hard to believe... but everytime I told myself that I couldn't make it, or that I was going to do badly, the holy spirit would intersect my thoughts and tell me otherwise. But I never did believe it.

I've felt God's presence so strongly through this whole journey. I couldn't have done it without Him. I couldn't have done it without His constant encouragement as He spoke to my heart in times of despair. I couldn't have overcome my panic attacks without reading His word. I couldn't have mustered the strength to overcome it without the encouragement and prayers of the many angels in my life. I couldn't have picked myself up after the setbacks during this journey without His hand.

Thank you, Father.

Now I know more than ever that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

I feel charged to continue working on my publication.

Chiong ah!

The only thing I feel each day is the weight of the world on my shoulders.