Today is the last day of freedom.
There's really nothing to be too scared of or dread about, most would say.
In fact some are looking forward to it, the day when they start working.
I should be proud. I'm going to be a full-fledged nurse after 4 arduous years.
But I'm full of fear, and apprehension.
I'm afraid that in the midst of working... and in meeting the needs of the institution, and fulfilling the expectations of my managers and colleagues, I will lose a heart that beats for the ill.
I may become selfish, because I will try to be efficient and quick in a bid to meet the expectations of the institution... but may compromise optimal care provision for my patients... which more often than not goes unrecognised.
Care may becomes uniform-ized when it is based on protocols, which may neglect a patient's individual needs.
I fear for the nurse I will turn into when I work.
More often than not, when one is stretched, her personal needs prevail above all else.
When I grow impatient, will I curse and swear at my patients, muttering under my breath FON (full of nonsense) every now and then when I meet a difficult patient.
Will I fail to understand his/her difficulties, and the emotional turmoil they go through before judging them.
Will I be desensitized to pain and suffering?
Will I give up this dream when the going gets too tough?
So much uncertainties... too much worry.
But I must have faith.. that God who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion... (Philippians 1:6)
I must fight the good fight... no matter how tough the going may be.
