Today, I am despondent.

I will never be perfect. Even as I am growing older, even if I have reached another milestone in life... I will always be imperfect and I have flaws. But that is okay. That is alright. As long as I live with Him.

As long as I walk through this journey of life with Him.

God is in control

Tonight, I had some time to quieten, reflect and not rush over work... I was on MC today.

After dinner, I paced around the living room, while thinking of the patients.

'What else can be done for them?' A repetitive question in my head for the past months.

It has been tiring.

I had to watch my patients decline, in the midst of unending social problems.

I watched my patients sink into depression. I watched my patients fade away.

And a constant repetitive thought, 'What else can be done for them?'

I worked hard and studied new methods to help my patients. I sought advice from different sources.

It is depressing. Because some decline cannot be stopped. Some problems just cannot be solved.

Even though I've seen death many times in my nursing career, it is still challenging to watch the light fade away from a patient's eyes.

Tonight, as I continued to worry, I was reminded of the fact that God is always in control of all things.

As a healthcare worker, I can only play a supportive role at best. But ultimately, life is in God's hands.

Not everything needs a solution. Not all endings will be beautiful.

I have tried my best. I need to learn to accept, trust, and let go, when the time calls for it.

Oh

By the way, I'm engaged.

Hello Haha.

God will not forsake them

Lord, You love the ill, the broken-hearted, and those in need.

And You will not forsake them.

Lord, you gave me a heart to love the needy. Let this not be in vain.

I was hopeful.

 

I was an aspiring graduate.

I had the world ahead of me. I was excited for the journey ahead.

 

Back then, I had regarded Nursing as my calling, and was grateful that God had planted in me the desire to care for the ill and needy.

~

 I am not sure how the me of the past would look at my present self.

 

But it appears that everything I had worked so hard for, everything I had prayed for, had somehow come to realization.

I think I would be very proud of myself.

Having gone through the physical exhaustion, mental exertion, stress, anxiety, hard work and tears during my nursing career, I should be very proud of myself. 

 My achievements are not great.

 But they are enough, to help me realize that God has been very faithful through it all.

 

In the very first interview of my nursing journey, during my enrolment into NUS nursing, a professor asked what I feared most about the future.

 

 'To give up,' I told him.  

 

Somehow, I made it through.

And I am still here. I am still a nurse.

 

And God still walks with me each day, as I continue to learn what it means to die to oneself to serve the ill and needy.

 

In Him, I can find solace, peace and hope. 

 

Nothing I do in this life has any meaning if it is not done with You.

 

Constant Reminder to Self

Your job is not to judge.

Your job is not to figure out if someone deserves something.

Your job is to lift the fallen, to restore the broken, and to heal the hurting.

-NursingGuide.ph

“You begin your journey not knowing where it will take you. You have plans, you have dreams, but every now and again you have to take uncharted roads, face impassable mountains, cross treacherous rivers, be blocked by landslides and earthquakes. That’s the way my life has been.”

- Lee Kuan Yew

Lord, give me the eyes of empathy and love to look beyond the ugly behavior of others. 

It doesn't matter what they do to me.

It's what I can do for them.

No one can take away the joy and peace that the Lord grants me through His unconditional love for me. No one.

Except myself.

You're more than a conqueror when you know that you already have the victory before you ever get a problem.

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

Lord, it is not about what I want.

It is what You want.

Lord it is never about me.

It is about You.

The gift of His love

The greatest gift that can be given is offered to each of us every day, yet few of us have the faith and self-esteem to accept it.

God offers us His love.

All we have to do is open our hearts and make the decision to receive it. Then we in turn get to pass it on to others.

To fall is not to fail, unless you fail to get up again. - Mary Pickford.

Lord, my future is in Your hands. In reality, I can't truly control anything. I humble myself before You and cast my cares into Your hands. Thank You for Your care. Amen.

Love God Daily

Remember that whatever you do for others, you are doing for God.

Accomplish great things in the name of Jesus and finish strong.

Just do your best, and enjoy life while you are maturing. 

I don't know how it happened, but it did.

I found the man of my dreams.

Stop trying to stop fearing or worrying

- In the words of Jay Adams

Lord, if I have another bout with fear or worry, I'll just have to have it. I am going to leave that in Your hands. 

Casting all you care upon Him for He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7)