I cannot help but feel extraordinary today. 

I think it's the hormones. 

On this full moon night,

I thank God for all his blessings.

Mooncake

My reserved box of pretty mooncakes is finally here! 

I have such a sweet tooth. 🙅

I'm back for a peek.

I'm an introvert so I don't really like to write about my life on a public platform.

I used to.. don't fancy it so much anymore.

Or rather, I have grown a little lazy and self-absorbed.. with myself and work.

I think I'm finally getting the hang of being a nurse. I enjoy moments of tucking my patients into bed, giving them a ring after their discharge and learning of their conditions since the treatments, learning about symptoms of various conditions from subjective viewpoints of experiencers themselves, and simply praying and hoping with all earnesty that they take care of themselves and don't fall too ill again.

I love learning about medical conditions and its pathophysiology. Instead of understanding these by theories, I see it unfolding before me on a patient, and understand it a whole lot better.

I've been given the privilege to work on research on top of clinical work.

Unfortunately these days, I'm starting to find research a chore, even though I've advanced well in it thus far. We competed with the doctors of my hospital for a grant, and we were successful! $$$
We were in jubilee. Such was a first in nursing in my hospital. Imagine the glee on the face of the nursing research director.

'It is a good research.'

I've had plans to obtain my doctorate in a far away land. Unfortunately, I'm lax-ing a little too much. Sipping to tea, eating cakes, and listening to French music.

I'll need to find some sort of discipline to get my act together before all success we've had comes to naught.

Get over your hill and see what you find there, with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

"There is only one thing more painful than learning from experience, & that is not learning from experience."

The skin

I'm a slow dying flower
I’m the frost killing hour
sweet turning sour
& untouchable.
Well, contempt loves the silence
it thrives in the dark,
the fine winding tendrils that strangle the heart
They say that promises sweeten the blow
but I don't need them... no I don't need them.

Its a long journey ahead,

And I'm always afraid that I'm not good enough to pull through.

I want to stand in every trial and heartbreak, victorious.

And i can only do it through You.

Only you, matter.

Yes, only you.

Wooooo

I'm so happy I could dance!!!

And you know why? Because I'm going on annual leave.

All the many things I can do during this hot break, including catching up on readings, finishing my publication draft and whatever not.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

I just read the book, 7 Habits of Effective Living. And realized how important it was to have a vision and mission in life... a paradigm to live by.

I think it's important I set these out so that I dont waste my life away and live more effectively.

I thought about it, and I suppose the main impetus in my life at this point is to... serve. To enable and empower others, and to be there for the down, the ill and the needy.

I want to live life this way, and be a source of empowerment to my family, friends, patients, and even at church. I want to live to serve... for the glory of God.

I enjoyed researching. I know its important to embark on it because it is the only way to improve status quo... the only intellectual way to get things going and make nursing a better profession, for the betterment of patient care, to empower the nurses, and make their work safer and productive.

When i was doing my research, I was deeply touched by the accounts of the women, that motivated me to put forth concrete evidence as a justification that more needs to be done.

On a sidenote, nursing is a great profession that deserves to be enjoyed. Unfortunately, there are wider systemic limitations that make it a much dreaded one, one that is filled with sometimes unecessary, stressful and unsafe work, which may be the source of deviation from optimal patient care, and high turnover rate. 

I've been wasting alot of time engaging in self-absorped living. But I am well and full aware that the world is in need of so much of help and that there is no time left to waste to make the world a better place. I need to continually engage in self-improvement and in research. Something I've kept on hold for a long while.

I have a huge problem. I have moments of self centeredness that bring me back to the more unhealthy centers of my life like.. possessions, beauty, social acceptance and pleasure.

I have had enough pleasure. I've actually never felt more relaxed in years!

At least I get to relax on day offs when I used to work 24/7 during my study days, day off or not.

But it is through these pleasure and freedom of time, that i realize that true freedom can only be given by God.

I feel liberated and joyful when i live for Him.

When I know that I'm living in strong partnership with Him.

I love God more and more as I discover His plans for my life. I see Him moving, teaching me new lessons each day, encouraging me to be courageous, strong and humble. I never stay down for too long because He picks me up anyhow and encourages me to get back on my feet. Losses and failures could only make me a stronger woman for Him.

Everytime I talk to Tims about God... it opens my eyes to see more about my walk with Christ. I am not rotten, as I always see myself. I told Father on Christmas and New years that I was ashamed because I felt that I haven't lived life enough for Him. But something that Tims said made me realize that serving God didn't have to be bound within Church boundaries...

I am serving Him as I learn to love and care for my patients. He guides me as I learn to manage my stress, prioritise my time to provide better care for the ill and needy. I am more thankful than ever that Lord called me to this profession so that I can serve Him in my daily life... through my work.

Loving and providing better care for my patients, is an act of God's love.

He has given me hope in a faithless world. He stimulates me in ways unimaginable. Take my life for it is surrendered to You, Father.

My devotional in the morning.

What do you have that you did not receive? If then you received it, why do you boast as if you did not receive it? For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.

I read it and a thought came to my wearied and despondent state.

My past achievements and freedom were given by God. Yet, i have now turned away from His hand.

The joy, peace and achievements in my life were not by my own efforts. They were won by God's grace.

These days I feel out of sorts, as if nothing is well in place. I often wondered why, and then I realized why.

I have not let God, have not had faith in Him as I did. Had not stretched out my hand to reach for Him and told Him to do it with me as I used to. I always take things into my own hands as I live faithlessly, and screw it up.

Walk with me Jesus, I cannot do this alone. Ive lost every motivation, every drive.

I need to stand up again. Will You be in this with me?

Flipped - The sweetest movie of all time.

Turkey

Baking in progress.

And smelling really good.

Phew!


I should be able to breathe a huge sigh of relief now.

Christmas

Christmas cupcakes!

With very interesting flavors:

Hazelnut
White chocolate cranberry
Butter Beer
Toffee nut
Macadamia
Rocky Road


Butter Beer Cupcake, a Harry Potter-inspired creation!

All made with love by Sis's friend, an awesome cupcake baker.



And not to forget christmas shopping.

Of course, Christmas is nothing without a fiasco.

Sis and I are responsible for bringing turkey to the Christmas party tonight. Only to realize the turkey that we'd reserved and bought is frozen. So we'll have to bake it.

All the best to us!

Retail therapy for Xmas!

I chickened out and didn't get Samantha Thavasa like I'd wanted to...

But I got L'occitane Peony Perfume!


Peony! The most beautiful flower ever!



And some pretty dresses.

:)

Retail therapy is indeed addictive.

The next thing on my wishlist, an elegant-looking watch!

Pink

I was checking out some pictures of Samantha Thavasa bags online after a friend had got one.

With utter horror, I realized that I have an inherent love for PINK.

Despite all my years of resistance.

When i was a little girl, I loved pink because I genuinely thought that I would transform into a man if i didn't love pink.

Then as i grew into a teen and developed an identity crisis, I believed that this was balderdash and that pink was for little girls. I wanted to grow up so I chose to like other colors.

Unfortunately, my love for pink has resurfaced again when I realized how in love I was with Samantha Thavasa items... especially the pinkish ones, and those with ribbons.

 

That is it. I'm getting one this holiday season.

Love.

I thank God for all the failures I've made, and for the losses I've had.

When I am weak, then I am strong.

Because without them, I wouldn't have leaned in close to You, I wouldn't have been on this crazy adventure.

Gaboobleh

I'm sick again and sipping to tea.

The drowsy effects of Chlorpheramine and codeine has made me most tipsy-ish and slightly delirious.

I can now understand why my patients are so cranky in the hospital.

I have time to blog, because I've decided to take an MC. Yes. Stare at me wide-eyed if you want. I have taken an MC.

And i dont usually take MC cos' I never allow physiological limitations to interfere with work. But... there's audit tomorrow so there was the incentive.

Today I went to visit the GP. Wanted to head there straight after work but decided against it on second thought or people might think I was working for the clinic, or they'll just tease me for being sick, as if the idea of an ill nurse is rather queer.

Like the time I went to buy plasters at 7 eleven in my nursing uniform, and the cashier had to laugh at me and asked "why would you need plaster?"

It wasn't until the GP auscultated my lungs did I realize I'd forgotten to wear my bra.

Anyhooz, he decided to take my weight cos' he thought I looked anorexic. And wow i am now a startling 42kg. I've lost 4kg since I started work.

Okay goodnight.

Wedding preparation

All excited to attend the wedding of a friend from church!






Can't wait to slip into this pretty little dress.

They say all happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast.

So I had mine to kickstart my day off.


Red Velvet Cupcake and Strawberry & vanilla tea.

Ice-cream saved the day

After a mad and longggggg work week, I got to savor a little pleasure.

Salted Mister Brown Ice cream with my favorite rainbow and chocholate dipped cone. - From Daily's scoop.



Like an excited and spastic kid.

Not forgetting to mention the fact that I'd witnessed a couple of deaths and a series of unfortunate events in the past few days.

Sometimes I feel really impotent about my limitations to help in the situation.

And sometimes I just feel really hopeless and despondent.

Enough of my sad work life. Time to enjoy my long-awaited and well-deserved day off in the next two days.

My Short Leave from Work

Hi.

I've been having my annual leave of four days this week, so took it as a great opportunity to finally resume working on my systematic review that I owe Prof.

Had a great time working on it with a friend at NUS law campus. Its a pretty place with a gorgeous and oh-so-conducive library.

 There are pretty meal places around the campus as well and I had... check this out.

Blue Cheese and Peanut butter beef burger.


I just had to bold those four words to emphasize the exotic-ness of this meal.




Epic little cup of Machiato.



Last night I decided to take a chill pill and had a good night out at Buckaroo's with Tony and Sis.

Halloween's is over. But I decided to try the smoky-eyed look, by smudging some black shadows at the bottom of the eye.

Actually I don't think I will try it again.

Had awesome food with cheapppp beer. And now I'm suffering from a hangover.

Trying to remedy it with this.


Which is actually very lovely and therapeutic. But not helping much with the hangover.

This is bad. I'm going to suffer through my last day of Annual Leave, head to work tomorrow and start on another string of mayhem before my next Day Off at the end of next week.

Then, I'll be performing with Sis at our friend's wedding, of our acoustic rendition of Let's stay together by Al Green of which we have not succeeded on harmonizing to yet.

Theres nothing left to say, but goodbye.

Yes.

Too busy saving lives that I have absolutely forgotten what it is to live.

Because...

The mistakes we've made, are our valuable assets.

Fact.

"I think that it is very important if you know what you want, understand where you are heading towards, and try your best to get it. It is only when we use our hearts to do it, and fall in love with what we are doing, then can we really get real determination."

对不起.