The greatest gift that can be given is offered to each of us every day, yet few of us have the faith and self-esteem to accept it.
God offers us His love.
All we have to do is open our hearts and make the decision to receive it. Then we in turn get to pass it on to others.
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Monday, December 15, 2014
Monday, December 08, 2014
Monday, November 03, 2014
Friday, October 10, 2014
Monday, September 22, 2014
Saturday, August 02, 2014
Tuesday, July 08, 2014
Stop trying to stop fearing or worrying
- In the words of Jay Adams
Casting all you care upon Him for He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7)
Wednesday, July 02, 2014
It is important to care for the temple of your body
Even more important is your spirit, which is the light within that temple. A beautiful temple may attract others, but it is the light that will touch hearts.
Tuesday, June 03, 2014
Chastity
http://chastityproject.com/2014/06/man-wont-sleep/
For the very first time, I find myself dating a man, who wouldn't urge me to engage in certain physical activities, much only to his very liking. This coming from a girl who's exasperatedly almost gave up on love because most of her past dates had only wanted a friend with benefit.
We enjoy each other's presence when we're together. We take the time to talk about lives and connect emotionally, on a level deeper than could have been achieved had it been done physically.
I see this respect for chastity, as an act of love, maturity, and one that honors God.
And for that, I love and treasure our relationship.
Thank you for everything, Davy.
For the very first time, I find myself dating a man, who wouldn't urge me to engage in certain physical activities, much only to his very liking. This coming from a girl who's exasperatedly almost gave up on love because most of her past dates had only wanted a friend with benefit.
We enjoy each other's presence when we're together. We take the time to talk about lives and connect emotionally, on a level deeper than could have been achieved had it been done physically.
I see this respect for chastity, as an act of love, maturity, and one that honors God.
And for that, I love and treasure our relationship.
Thank you for everything, Davy.
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Though I am weak, You are strong
We act on what we believe, so positive thoughts cause positive actions. If you want a positive life, begin thinking positive thoughts. It is easy to do so if you read the Word and meditate on all that God wants to do for you and through you. Get alone today, and think about all the good, positive things God has done for you in the past, and all He has planned for you in the future. - Joyce Meyer
------------------
I have been so negative lately its killing me, slowly.
I am quick to anger.
I get frustrated easily when things don't go my way.
I get frustrated when I face criticisms. I am actually ready to hurl vulgarities at the critics.
It is slowly but surely, killing me.
Emotionally and physically.
I was so tired that I slept my day away, knowing that a pile of work is waiting for me and that there was no more time left to waste.
Sleep was my only escape.
I can't think with my head each time I get angry and frustrated. I say things that wouldn't help the situation at all.
I get pissed off with my colleagues for making less than positive remarks at me, even if I know its true.
I get pissed off with anyone who makes work a little tougher, including my patients.
I get pissed off with everyone in general, whenever one stands in my way.
And I know, that I need help.
I need to recognise that God's love and grace is beyond the problems I face.
Whatever unhappiness I face, they shall come to past.
His beautiful plans and His love is eternal.
God has given me beautiful things in my life.
I may be imperfect, but my God is an almighty God who is strong and who loves me very much.
His strong hands will lift me up, each time my knees buckle and I fall to the ground.
And Lord, because of You, I can pick myself up, and be a positive person from today.
May I not be blinded from Your lovely touch in my life.
------------------
I have been so negative lately its killing me, slowly.
I am quick to anger.
I get frustrated easily when things don't go my way.
I get frustrated when I face criticisms. I am actually ready to hurl vulgarities at the critics.
It is slowly but surely, killing me.
Emotionally and physically.
I was so tired that I slept my day away, knowing that a pile of work is waiting for me and that there was no more time left to waste.
Sleep was my only escape.
I can't think with my head each time I get angry and frustrated. I say things that wouldn't help the situation at all.
I get pissed off with my colleagues for making less than positive remarks at me, even if I know its true.
I get pissed off with anyone who makes work a little tougher, including my patients.
I get pissed off with everyone in general, whenever one stands in my way.
And I know, that I need help.
I need to recognise that God's love and grace is beyond the problems I face.
Whatever unhappiness I face, they shall come to past.
His beautiful plans and His love is eternal.
God has given me beautiful things in my life.
I may be imperfect, but my God is an almighty God who is strong and who loves me very much.
His strong hands will lift me up, each time my knees buckle and I fall to the ground.
And Lord, because of You, I can pick myself up, and be a positive person from today.
May I not be blinded from Your lovely touch in my life.
Friday, February 07, 2014
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Fig leaves.
It feels like a fresh new beginning.
I was at youth camp yesterday.
There was a special musical session by Oops Asia, a guest performance item. The musical was good, but wasn't spiritually impactful.
What really nailed it was the preaching.
That young, seemingly boring-looking dude, spoke with so much impact through the content of his speech.
It was like he nailed every hurt in my heart.
He spoke of fig leaves.
The fig tree, in the past, was a source of security and income. Its fruits were sold to garner income for the people of Israel and Palestine.
Similarly he was using the fig leaves, as a metaphor, which we clothe ourselves with to hide our humanly insecurities, such as physical appearance, achievements, etc.
Because we do not want others to see the way we see ourselves.
But in an instant, the fig leaves may be blown away by a gush of wind.
Leaving us in all our nakedness, and vulnerability.
I listened with intent as he delivered his speech. Because I'd never thought of it that way. My achievements are simply fig leaves. And yes, the worries I'm facing, stems from the fear that a gush of wind will blow my fig leaves away in an instant. The knowledge that this was impending had burdened me for months.
As the pastor called people to come to the altar to be prayed for, I really wanted to get up, but was as usual shy to.
It takes courage to walk up to the altar. Furthermore, I was among a lot of people and the front area was too crowded.
It was not until the pastor mentioned about a message to girls about physical appearance, beauty and modesty, did I muster enough courage to walk up.
Because I am all too familiar with that fig leave.
As I got up there, I felt embarrassed. Because I'd situated myself way too far back, amongst those that didn't get out, so much so that the praying volunteers did not realize that I had come to the altar.
Yes I was embarrassed. So I prayed for the people ahead of me. It was always better than praying for myself.
Even though I had taken the courage to walk up to the altar, this act was all too familiar. I had done similar during other church services but I hadn't experienced any change to my emptiness, my brokenness. Sure I'd feel enlivened for an hour or two, but life returns to status quo of spiritual dryness thereafter.
A lady however came beside me quite some time later, she spoke in tongues, and I spoke with her. She paused. And said,
God has spoken to my heart to give you this message
He has not forgotten you.
And He has a very special task for you for His people.
and prayed for the healing of my brokenness and for God's anointing over me.
I broke out in tears, immediately. I'd not experienced this in years.
I remembered the times as I cried out to him in my bathroom (while bathing.. yes I pray while bathing because I am usually mentally unoccupied during this activity)
God have you forgotten me? Why have you forsaken. Have you forgotten why You'd brought me into nursing in the first place... Have you forgotten your plans for me in this beautiful profession? Have you not seen the hurt I face. Have You forgotten me? Have I forgotten...
The nights I'd pray on end, emptiness-filled. I've prayed to surrender to him, and still nothing happens. I've tried to read the bible, I've tried to be serious with every reading. Still, I felt empty.
But that very afternoon, He told me that He sees my pain, my hurt, and that He has not forgotten me and His very plans for me.
Nursing has always been a spiritual calling.
A spiritual calling to care for the ill and needy, the hurt and the broken, the people He so loves.
He was with me, through and through, from the time I worked hard to clinch the interview to get into the school of nursing in NUS, to my arduous time of study in the school of nursing, up till that very miraculous achievement in my honors year of study, working with my guardian angels, my professors, who supported me relentlessly even after my graduation, the director of research in my hospital who supported me and gave me valuable opportunities to grow.
But recently, everything is starting to fall apart. I was embarrassed at my desensitization to my patient's pain, hurt, sadness, and needs. My research director had to leave the hospital, leaving all the plans and opportunities she had for me hanging, the dean of NUS nursing school has left, she had played a vital role in my achievements.
I was left, standing alone, in the wind, fig leaves strewn.
Very soon, those that I have used to cover myself - my escalated progression, my research, my scholarship offer, will be blown away.
My greatest fear is to be left exposed in all my nakedness, the way I saw myself - unachieving, unintellectual, average, and ugly.
But God wants to clothe me with His everlasting love and grace.
And curse the fig leaves we use to clothe ourselves.
I never have to feel naked, vulnerable, hopeless and empty.
We are not forgotten.
I was at youth camp yesterday.
There was a special musical session by Oops Asia, a guest performance item. The musical was good, but wasn't spiritually impactful.
What really nailed it was the preaching.
That young, seemingly boring-looking dude, spoke with so much impact through the content of his speech.
It was like he nailed every hurt in my heart.
He spoke of fig leaves.
Then the eyes of both (Adam and Eve) were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.
- Genesis 3:7 ESV
The fig tree, in the past, was a source of security and income. Its fruits were sold to garner income for the people of Israel and Palestine.
Similarly he was using the fig leaves, as a metaphor, which we clothe ourselves with to hide our humanly insecurities, such as physical appearance, achievements, etc.
Because we do not want others to see the way we see ourselves.
But in an instant, the fig leaves may be blown away by a gush of wind.
Leaving us in all our nakedness, and vulnerability.
I listened with intent as he delivered his speech. Because I'd never thought of it that way. My achievements are simply fig leaves. And yes, the worries I'm facing, stems from the fear that a gush of wind will blow my fig leaves away in an instant. The knowledge that this was impending had burdened me for months.
As the pastor called people to come to the altar to be prayed for, I really wanted to get up, but was as usual shy to.
It takes courage to walk up to the altar. Furthermore, I was among a lot of people and the front area was too crowded.
It was not until the pastor mentioned about a message to girls about physical appearance, beauty and modesty, did I muster enough courage to walk up.
Because I am all too familiar with that fig leave.
As I got up there, I felt embarrassed. Because I'd situated myself way too far back, amongst those that didn't get out, so much so that the praying volunteers did not realize that I had come to the altar.
Yes I was embarrassed. So I prayed for the people ahead of me. It was always better than praying for myself.
Even though I had taken the courage to walk up to the altar, this act was all too familiar. I had done similar during other church services but I hadn't experienced any change to my emptiness, my brokenness. Sure I'd feel enlivened for an hour or two, but life returns to status quo of spiritual dryness thereafter.
A lady however came beside me quite some time later, she spoke in tongues, and I spoke with her. She paused. And said,
God has spoken to my heart to give you this message
He has not forgotten you.
And He has a very special task for you for His people.
and prayed for the healing of my brokenness and for God's anointing over me.
I broke out in tears, immediately. I'd not experienced this in years.
I remembered the times as I cried out to him in my bathroom (while bathing.. yes I pray while bathing because I am usually mentally unoccupied during this activity)
God have you forgotten me? Why have you forsaken. Have you forgotten why You'd brought me into nursing in the first place... Have you forgotten your plans for me in this beautiful profession? Have you not seen the hurt I face. Have You forgotten me? Have I forgotten...
The nights I'd pray on end, emptiness-filled. I've prayed to surrender to him, and still nothing happens. I've tried to read the bible, I've tried to be serious with every reading. Still, I felt empty.
But that very afternoon, He told me that He sees my pain, my hurt, and that He has not forgotten me and His very plans for me.
Nursing has always been a spiritual calling.
A spiritual calling to care for the ill and needy, the hurt and the broken, the people He so loves.
He was with me, through and through, from the time I worked hard to clinch the interview to get into the school of nursing in NUS, to my arduous time of study in the school of nursing, up till that very miraculous achievement in my honors year of study, working with my guardian angels, my professors, who supported me relentlessly even after my graduation, the director of research in my hospital who supported me and gave me valuable opportunities to grow.
But recently, everything is starting to fall apart. I was embarrassed at my desensitization to my patient's pain, hurt, sadness, and needs. My research director had to leave the hospital, leaving all the plans and opportunities she had for me hanging, the dean of NUS nursing school has left, she had played a vital role in my achievements.
I was left, standing alone, in the wind, fig leaves strewn.
Very soon, those that I have used to cover myself - my escalated progression, my research, my scholarship offer, will be blown away.
My greatest fear is to be left exposed in all my nakedness, the way I saw myself - unachieving, unintellectual, average, and ugly.
But God wants to clothe me with His everlasting love and grace.
And curse the fig leaves we use to clothe ourselves.
I never have to feel naked, vulnerable, hopeless and empty.
We are not forgotten.
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Knowing yourself
In an ever-changing, ever-evolving world, you are your most beautiful constant. - Mandy Hale
Wednesday, December 04, 2013
Friday, October 04, 2013
Zombied
I had approximately 5 hours of sleep in the last 48 hours.
I'm not sure what caused me to be utterly depressed.
But I am right now.
After my string of night shifts today, I attended an important meeting and headed out to meet some friends to celebrate a friend's birthday.
I heard them talk about having fun, and felt particularly estranged from the idea.
I am nowhere near this conversation because it has been a long time since I last did something for myself and just basically have fun.
Its not that I don't totally not have fun. Because eating is a way of mine to relieve stress and a reward to myself for working hard.
I suppose I don't even realize how hard I work until today.
I think about my poor patients, and suddenly realized how much my world had centered around them, and making the world a better place for them
But it also dawned on me that I had cared about everyone else and work, but myself.
Being aware of this, I felt really lonely. As if being acutely aware that I am cared for by no one, not even myself.
I'm not sure what caused me to be utterly depressed.
But I am right now.
After my string of night shifts today, I attended an important meeting and headed out to meet some friends to celebrate a friend's birthday.
I heard them talk about having fun, and felt particularly estranged from the idea.
I am nowhere near this conversation because it has been a long time since I last did something for myself and just basically have fun.
Its not that I don't totally not have fun. Because eating is a way of mine to relieve stress and a reward to myself for working hard.
I suppose I don't even realize how hard I work until today.
I think about my poor patients, and suddenly realized how much my world had centered around them, and making the world a better place for them
But it also dawned on me that I had cared about everyone else and work, but myself.
Being aware of this, I felt really lonely. As if being acutely aware that I am cared for by no one, not even myself.
Friday, September 20, 2013
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
I'm back for a peek.
I'm an introvert so I don't really like to write about my life on a public platform.
I used to.. don't fancy it so much anymore.
Or rather, I have grown a little lazy and self-absorbed.. with myself and work.
I think I'm finally getting the hang of being a nurse. I enjoy moments of tucking my patients into bed, giving them a ring after their discharge and learning of their conditions since the treatments, learning about symptoms of various conditions from subjective viewpoints of experiencers themselves, and simply praying and hoping with all earnesty that they take care of themselves and don't fall too ill again.
I love learning about medical conditions and its pathophysiology. Instead of understanding these by theories, I see it unfolding before me on a patient, and understand it a whole lot better.
I've been given the privilege to work on research on top of clinical work.
Unfortunately these days, I'm starting to find research a chore, even though I've advanced well in it thus far. We competed with the doctors of my hospital for a grant, and we were successful! $$$
We were in jubilee. Such was a first in nursing in my hospital. Imagine the glee on the face of the nursing research director.
'It is a good research.'
I've had plans to obtain my doctorate in a far away land. Unfortunately, I'm lax-ing a little too much. Sipping to tea, eating cakes, and listening to French music.
I'll need to find some sort of discipline to get my act together before all success we've had comes to naught.
I used to.. don't fancy it so much anymore.
Or rather, I have grown a little lazy and self-absorbed.. with myself and work.
I think I'm finally getting the hang of being a nurse. I enjoy moments of tucking my patients into bed, giving them a ring after their discharge and learning of their conditions since the treatments, learning about symptoms of various conditions from subjective viewpoints of experiencers themselves, and simply praying and hoping with all earnesty that they take care of themselves and don't fall too ill again.
I love learning about medical conditions and its pathophysiology. Instead of understanding these by theories, I see it unfolding before me on a patient, and understand it a whole lot better.
I've been given the privilege to work on research on top of clinical work.
Unfortunately these days, I'm starting to find research a chore, even though I've advanced well in it thus far. We competed with the doctors of my hospital for a grant, and we were successful! $$$
We were in jubilee. Such was a first in nursing in my hospital. Imagine the glee on the face of the nursing research director.
'It is a good research.'
I've had plans to obtain my doctorate in a far away land. Unfortunately, I'm lax-ing a little too much. Sipping to tea, eating cakes, and listening to French music.
I'll need to find some sort of discipline to get my act together before all success we've had comes to naught.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Monday, July 22, 2013
Monday, May 20, 2013
The skin
I'm a slow dying flower
I’m the frost killing hour
sweet turning sour
& untouchable.
Well, contempt loves the silence
it thrives in the dark,
the fine winding tendrils that strangle the heart
They say that promises sweeten the blow
but I don't need them... no I don't need them.
I’m the frost killing hour
sweet turning sour
& untouchable.
Well, contempt loves the silence
it thrives in the dark,
the fine winding tendrils that strangle the heart
They say that promises sweeten the blow
but I don't need them... no I don't need them.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Monday, April 01, 2013
Tuesday, February 05, 2013
Sunday, February 03, 2013
Wooooo
I'm so happy I could dance!!!
And you know why? Because I'm going on annual leave.
All the many things I can do during this hot break, including catching up on readings, finishing my publication draft and whatever not.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
And you know why? Because I'm going on annual leave.
All the many things I can do during this hot break, including catching up on readings, finishing my publication draft and whatever not.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Friday, January 04, 2013
I just read the book, 7 Habits of Effective Living. And realized how important it was to have a vision and mission in life... a paradigm to live by.
I think it's important I set these out so that I dont waste my life away and live more effectively.
I thought about it, and I suppose the main impetus in my life at this point is to... serve. To enable and empower others, and to be there for the down, the ill and the needy.
I want to live life this way, and be a source of empowerment to my family, friends, patients, and even at church. I want to live to serve... for the glory of God.
I enjoyed researching. I know its important to embark on it because it is the only way to improve status quo... the only intellectual way to get things going and make nursing a better profession, for the betterment of patient care, to empower the nurses, and make their work safer and productive.
When i was doing my research, I was deeply touched by the accounts of the women, that motivated me to put forth concrete evidence as a justification that more needs to be done.
On a sidenote, nursing is a great profession that deserves to be enjoyed. Unfortunately, there are wider systemic limitations that make it a much dreaded one, one that is filled with sometimes unecessary, stressful and unsafe work, which may be the source of deviation from optimal patient care, and high turnover rate.
I've been wasting alot of time engaging in self-absorped living. But I am well and full aware that the world is in need of so much of help and that there is no time left to waste to make the world a better place. I need to continually engage in self-improvement and in research. Something I've kept on hold for a long while.
I have a huge problem. I have moments of self centeredness that bring me back to the more unhealthy centers of my life like.. possessions, beauty, social acceptance and pleasure.
I have had enough pleasure. I've actually never felt more relaxed in years!
At least I get to relax on day offs when I used to work 24/7 during my study days, day off or not.
But it is through these pleasure and freedom of time, that i realize that true freedom can only be given by God.
I feel liberated and joyful when i live for Him.
When I know that I'm living in strong partnership with Him.
I love God more and more as I discover His plans for my life. I see Him moving, teaching me new lessons each day, encouraging me to be courageous, strong and humble. I never stay down for too long because He picks me up anyhow and encourages me to get back on my feet. Losses and failures could only make me a stronger woman for Him.
Everytime I talk to Tims about God... it opens my eyes to see more about my walk with Christ. I am not rotten, as I always see myself. I told Father on Christmas and New years that I was ashamed because I felt that I haven't lived life enough for Him. But something that Tims said made me realize that serving God didn't have to be bound within Church boundaries...
I am serving Him as I learn to love and care for my patients. He guides me as I learn to manage my stress, prioritise my time to provide better care for the ill and needy. I am more thankful than ever that Lord called me to this profession so that I can serve Him in my daily life... through my work.
Loving and providing better care for my patients, is an act of God's love.
He has given me hope in a faithless world. He stimulates me in ways unimaginable. Take my life for it is surrendered to You, Father.
I think it's important I set these out so that I dont waste my life away and live more effectively.
I thought about it, and I suppose the main impetus in my life at this point is to... serve. To enable and empower others, and to be there for the down, the ill and the needy.
I want to live life this way, and be a source of empowerment to my family, friends, patients, and even at church. I want to live to serve... for the glory of God.
I enjoyed researching. I know its important to embark on it because it is the only way to improve status quo... the only intellectual way to get things going and make nursing a better profession, for the betterment of patient care, to empower the nurses, and make their work safer and productive.
When i was doing my research, I was deeply touched by the accounts of the women, that motivated me to put forth concrete evidence as a justification that more needs to be done.
On a sidenote, nursing is a great profession that deserves to be enjoyed. Unfortunately, there are wider systemic limitations that make it a much dreaded one, one that is filled with sometimes unecessary, stressful and unsafe work, which may be the source of deviation from optimal patient care, and high turnover rate.
I've been wasting alot of time engaging in self-absorped living. But I am well and full aware that the world is in need of so much of help and that there is no time left to waste to make the world a better place. I need to continually engage in self-improvement and in research. Something I've kept on hold for a long while.
I have a huge problem. I have moments of self centeredness that bring me back to the more unhealthy centers of my life like.. possessions, beauty, social acceptance and pleasure.
I have had enough pleasure. I've actually never felt more relaxed in years!
At least I get to relax on day offs when I used to work 24/7 during my study days, day off or not.
But it is through these pleasure and freedom of time, that i realize that true freedom can only be given by God.
I feel liberated and joyful when i live for Him.
When I know that I'm living in strong partnership with Him.
I love God more and more as I discover His plans for my life. I see Him moving, teaching me new lessons each day, encouraging me to be courageous, strong and humble. I never stay down for too long because He picks me up anyhow and encourages me to get back on my feet. Losses and failures could only make me a stronger woman for Him.
Everytime I talk to Tims about God... it opens my eyes to see more about my walk with Christ. I am not rotten, as I always see myself. I told Father on Christmas and New years that I was ashamed because I felt that I haven't lived life enough for Him. But something that Tims said made me realize that serving God didn't have to be bound within Church boundaries...
I am serving Him as I learn to love and care for my patients. He guides me as I learn to manage my stress, prioritise my time to provide better care for the ill and needy. I am more thankful than ever that Lord called me to this profession so that I can serve Him in my daily life... through my work.
Loving and providing better care for my patients, is an act of God's love.
He has given me hope in a faithless world. He stimulates me in ways unimaginable. Take my life for it is surrendered to You, Father.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
My devotional in the morning.
What do you have that you did not receive? If then you received it, why do you boast as if you did not receive it? For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.
I read it and a thought came to my wearied and despondent state.
My past achievements and freedom were given by God. Yet, i have now turned away from His hand.
The joy, peace and achievements in my life were not by my own efforts. They were won by God's grace.
These days I feel out of sorts, as if nothing is well in place. I often wondered why, and then I realized why.
I have not let God, have not had faith in Him as I did. Had not stretched out my hand to reach for Him and told Him to do it with me as I used to. I always take things into my own hands as I live faithlessly, and screw it up.
Walk with me Jesus, I cannot do this alone. Ive lost every motivation, every drive.
I need to stand up again. Will You be in this with me?
What do you have that you did not receive? If then you received it, why do you boast as if you did not receive it? For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.
I read it and a thought came to my wearied and despondent state.
My past achievements and freedom were given by God. Yet, i have now turned away from His hand.
The joy, peace and achievements in my life were not by my own efforts. They were won by God's grace.
These days I feel out of sorts, as if nothing is well in place. I often wondered why, and then I realized why.
I have not let God, have not had faith in Him as I did. Had not stretched out my hand to reach for Him and told Him to do it with me as I used to. I always take things into my own hands as I live faithlessly, and screw it up.
Walk with me Jesus, I cannot do this alone. Ive lost every motivation, every drive.
I need to stand up again. Will You be in this with me?
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
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