Today, I am despondent.

I will never be perfect. Even as I am growing older, even if I have reached another milestone in life... I will always be imperfect and I have flaws. But that is okay. That is alright. As long as I live with Him.

As long as I walk through this journey of life with Him.

God is in control

Tonight, I had some time to quieten, reflect and not rush over work... I was on MC today.

After dinner, I paced around the living room, while thinking of the patients.

'What else can be done for them?' A repetitive question in my head for the past months.

It has been tiring.

I had to watch my patients decline, in the midst of unending social problems.

I watched my patients sink into depression. I watched my patients fade away.

And a constant repetitive thought, 'What else can be done for them?'

I worked hard and studied new methods to help my patients. I sought advice from different sources.

It is depressing. Because some decline cannot be stopped. Some problems just cannot be solved.

Even though I've seen death many times in my nursing career, it is still challenging to watch the light fade away from a patient's eyes.

Tonight, as I continued to worry, I was reminded of the fact that God is always in control of all things.

As a healthcare worker, I can only play a supportive role at best. But ultimately, life is in God's hands.

Not everything needs a solution. Not all endings will be beautiful.

I have tried my best. I need to learn to accept, trust, and let go, when the time calls for it.

Oh

By the way, I'm engaged.

Hello Haha.