Saturday, November 28, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
I have a testimony to make!
I havent been sleeping much for the past two days. or at least.. for only 2 hours a day consecutively.
On the day prior to the two days, my alarm clock didnt wake me up on Immuno day... which caused me to have to take the exam without studying some of the chapters... but i had alot of rest. Now do i realise its for the better. When i'd set my alarm clock before the exam day to allow 2 hours grace of sleep, i remembered mouthing a small word of prayer, "sorry Father but i have to do this"
It was a knowledge in my heart that told me that torturing myself this way was not God's plans for me.
Den, my phone was mysteriously turned off. I couldnt have turned it off on my own subconsciously because my phone was placed far away from my bed... and i never had the habit of turning it off because it is rather cumbersome to. it couldnt have gone outta batt because i was charging it. i couldnt have turned it off before going to bed because i used it before dozing off.
i was pissed off!
Then, i came home to chiong for pharmaco. and i dont think ive ever chiong this much in my life before. It was a horrible nightmare, not being able to sleep nor rest when the brain is screaming for a break... for the next two days, i slept for 1-2 hours a day... spending only 10 mins of break for my 2 meals (i skipped breakfast). I was studying for the rest of every waking moment.
By last night, my brain was failing me. i was blanking out and i could not recall a single information. I could feel my brain screaming but i had to keep moving on.
it was a horrible torture... id inflicted upon myself. And i was sorry i did, because i knew that God didnt approve of it.
i slept at 11pm and woke up at 1am. continued pressing on... but every bit of information was reflected from my brain cells... like a miror (quoting celestine).
there was no way anything was getting in.
i took a bus to school... i was starting to feel it... that totally worn out feeling, and the state of confusion i was going into due to acidic build up in the brain. (like that time on sports day)
I was feeling nauseated from reading in the bus but i still forced-studied.
every now and then, my hand and body would fall limp as it held the notes as i was readin it. and my eyes would close shut while i forced it open.
everything that was happening around me in the bus seemed to be spinning. As i stood up to alight, i had to hold onto the pillars for fear of falling because i wasnt walking straight.
i was afraid id never make it to the exam theatres.
Mobility wise, i couldnt function properly, let alone outrightly utilising my brain for the exam. I could not recall anything. Everything that i was reading seemed foreign even thought id read it over and over again.
I cried and prayed so hard for God to help me because i couldnt do this alone. My brain was too exhausted and i was blanking out. I needed a miracle. I promised that id never ever do this again... ever. I wished id listened from the start and got proper rest and sleep. I listened to worship songs, finally stopping, 15 mins before the exam.
Eventually, i managed to do it. I didnt blank out thankfully.
If i had slept for 2 hours on Immuno day as id planned which was foiled, i dont think id have survived pharmaco exam. Immuno was only worth 2 MCs.
So thank God for everything who'd assured that all is well and that all He'd planned was for the better! i didnt believe it at first but now i do!
I havent been sleeping much for the past two days. or at least.. for only 2 hours a day consecutively.
On the day prior to the two days, my alarm clock didnt wake me up on Immuno day... which caused me to have to take the exam without studying some of the chapters... but i had alot of rest. Now do i realise its for the better. When i'd set my alarm clock before the exam day to allow 2 hours grace of sleep, i remembered mouthing a small word of prayer, "sorry Father but i have to do this"
It was a knowledge in my heart that told me that torturing myself this way was not God's plans for me.
Den, my phone was mysteriously turned off. I couldnt have turned it off on my own subconsciously because my phone was placed far away from my bed... and i never had the habit of turning it off because it is rather cumbersome to. it couldnt have gone outta batt because i was charging it. i couldnt have turned it off before going to bed because i used it before dozing off.
i was pissed off!
Then, i came home to chiong for pharmaco. and i dont think ive ever chiong this much in my life before. It was a horrible nightmare, not being able to sleep nor rest when the brain is screaming for a break... for the next two days, i slept for 1-2 hours a day... spending only 10 mins of break for my 2 meals (i skipped breakfast). I was studying for the rest of every waking moment.
By last night, my brain was failing me. i was blanking out and i could not recall a single information. I could feel my brain screaming but i had to keep moving on.
it was a horrible torture... id inflicted upon myself. And i was sorry i did, because i knew that God didnt approve of it.
i slept at 11pm and woke up at 1am. continued pressing on... but every bit of information was reflected from my brain cells... like a miror (quoting celestine).
there was no way anything was getting in.
i took a bus to school... i was starting to feel it... that totally worn out feeling, and the state of confusion i was going into due to acidic build up in the brain. (like that time on sports day)
I was feeling nauseated from reading in the bus but i still forced-studied.
every now and then, my hand and body would fall limp as it held the notes as i was readin it. and my eyes would close shut while i forced it open.
everything that was happening around me in the bus seemed to be spinning. As i stood up to alight, i had to hold onto the pillars for fear of falling because i wasnt walking straight.
i was afraid id never make it to the exam theatres.
Mobility wise, i couldnt function properly, let alone outrightly utilising my brain for the exam. I could not recall anything. Everything that i was reading seemed foreign even thought id read it over and over again.
I cried and prayed so hard for God to help me because i couldnt do this alone. My brain was too exhausted and i was blanking out. I needed a miracle. I promised that id never ever do this again... ever. I wished id listened from the start and got proper rest and sleep. I listened to worship songs, finally stopping, 15 mins before the exam.
Eventually, i managed to do it. I didnt blank out thankfully.
If i had slept for 2 hours on Immuno day as id planned which was foiled, i dont think id have survived pharmaco exam. Immuno was only worth 2 MCs.
So thank God for everything who'd assured that all is well and that all He'd planned was for the better! i didnt believe it at first but now i do!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
I shall not run away nor shut it out. I shall face it bravely and take God's hands as He walks with me.
Exams are coming and i am very dead.
I hope i can at least pass my singapore films to S/u it. Gosh cant wait for it to be over!!
Lately, there have been problems happening to many i care about.
I used to shut it out, or pretend like it never happened because i didnt know how to solve it... and it pains me so that i had to watch it happening.
But im not gonna run away from it now. Im gonna try to help... in the best way that i can. Not shun from or ignore it. Face it.
But first, ive gotta take the repression, which is burdening me, away. All i have to do is surrender it.
...before i can finally focus on being a better person to those around me.
========================================
IM HUNGRY OMG! Minestrone soup tonight O DEARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR how can i resist how can i wait!
Exams are coming and i am very dead.
I hope i can at least pass my singapore films to S/u it. Gosh cant wait for it to be over!!
Lately, there have been problems happening to many i care about.
I used to shut it out, or pretend like it never happened because i didnt know how to solve it... and it pains me so that i had to watch it happening.
But im not gonna run away from it now. Im gonna try to help... in the best way that i can. Not shun from or ignore it. Face it.
But first, ive gotta take the repression, which is burdening me, away. All i have to do is surrender it.
...before i can finally focus on being a better person to those around me.
========================================
IM HUNGRY OMG! Minestrone soup tonight O DEARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR how can i resist how can i wait!
Saturday, November 07, 2009
i wouldnt have done it without You. I wouldn't have. I didnt do this. You did. This honour is not mine to take. Its Yours.
And i will continue running race with You.
However hard it may be.
- Verily verily, i say unto you. Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit
And i will continue running race with You.
However hard it may be.
- Verily verily, i say unto you. Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Boo.
this is e first time in my NUS life that ive failed skills assessment
and for both.
i dunno what to think im juz feeling numbness.
lecturer was askin with a v concerned tone.. "what happened?"
...
i got the dosage wrong for the first one cos i didnt see properly.. too rash.. and de next there was jzu too many bubbles although i did expel it all in e end. Still failed.
ill b ok.
this failure will be a good impetus to spring back up with 5 times e hardwork ive put in.
Enough of resting now its hardcore mugging.
HARDCOREEEEEEEEEEEEE
MY FUKEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP LIFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
soz allow me to just scream for once.
this is e first time in my NUS life that ive failed skills assessment
and for both.
i dunno what to think im juz feeling numbness.
lecturer was askin with a v concerned tone.. "what happened?"
...
i got the dosage wrong for the first one cos i didnt see properly.. too rash.. and de next there was jzu too many bubbles although i did expel it all in e end. Still failed.
ill b ok.
this failure will be a good impetus to spring back up with 5 times e hardwork ive put in.
Enough of resting now its hardcore mugging.
HARDCOREEEEEEEEEEEEE
MY FUKEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP LIFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
soz allow me to just scream for once.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)