It hit me when this nice lady said this.
Cos' it felt like I hadn't smiled properly in a long time.
I have been in constant anxiety because of this project. I couldn't enjoy church service because I felt suffocated from the constant fear, even though I wasn't doing work right there and then.
I couldn't worship properly, because all i wanted was for this suffocation to go away.
Wee wee asked me why I am so stressed up over this project. I probably have never been this stressed in my 4 years of education in NUS.
I guess its because this project is so very close to my heart.
Not for the grades, but for the women whom i had interacted with. I saw how vulnerable they were, and how important it is to publish this important information and initiate change. To do so I will need to write well.
But at the same time, I have a very low self-esteem.
So i keep thinking that this very important project will fail in my hands. And that scares me like crazy. If it should fail, it would seem as if I'd failed these women. And that would really break my heart.
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