the power of nothingness...feelin of dread..
suddenly its hit me that theres nothing to look forward to in my life..evrything's suddenly so grey and dark. i cant take all of these anymore..i don wana put on this brave front anymore..im reli tired. just stop. i miss those times when i could love myself...those days are gone..im a nothing...when i could talk to my wonderful mates evrytime im sad...i cant now. theres just too many things in my life thts pressin down on me...i cant even put a finger to why im alwayz feeling this way. theres just too many things in my life.. things tht im ashamed of..and i don wana trouble em with my problems...evryones alwayz smiling these days. evryones so happy these days. i smile for em...but deep down i feel so dreadful...im alwayz here today and gone tmr.
i look forward to being alone...in the refuge of my room...evryday. its the only place where i can truly feel content...and depressed.
i hate crowded places...they make me feel so lonely...evryone with happy faces..and i smile along...and yet its all a great big farcade. the more i smile..the more i want to be alone...the worse i feel..
im only e true me when im alone. the me whos an empty shell...the person whos a nothing...someones whos reli nothing. absolutely nothing.
i long for the days when i can be truly happy again. those innocent days.
those days...they're alwayz bright...the birds were alwayz singing. im so crushed now...evrything abt me..my being..my self-esteem..and theres nothing i can do abt it but cry in my bed evry night. evrythings going down for me...nothings going up..evryday it just keeps piling up on me..the toll...the dreadful feeling.
the power of nothingness

ill be fine. dont talk to me abt this. just let me be. ill be fine..