Insomniac Thoughts

Lately, I've read this amazing and awesome book that Pastor handed to me before my KL trip.

So I read it during the 6 hour trip to KL. Just first three pages of it and I couldn't help but tear for half an hour.

The message was so powerful and strong. It appealed so much to me that I was reminded of the very reason why I chose and wanted so very much to be nursing in the first place since I was a little girl of 5.

'Travel' nursing I used to call it. Travelling the world, to poorer countries and serving the ill and needy.
I don't think its actually called travel nursing but its a term I found somewhere on the internet.

The book was about an autobiography of a lady, who's also a nurse, and who had witnessed the very horrible plight of people in Zimbawe, who were struck with HIV. She couldn't help but be grief stricken by the terror she witnessed and asked God where He was in all of these.

I feel that too... many a times when I work. I cannot begin to describe how lost and impotent that feeling is... so much pain, so much suffering, yet there's only so much that can be done. Why do such tragedies happen? Why Why Why! 
But these questions are pretty much rhetorical. You'll never find an answer to this. So I chose not to ask and just continued working on hard... 

God spoke to the author when she questioned Him. And He spoke to her heart "It's not what I can do, its what You can do."

That message was so powerful I couldn't help but cry for half an hour just pondering upon my experiences in the hospital, my patients, the documentaries I saw when I was a little girl that drove me to this profession in the first place.

There's no time left, no time left to feel angst, no time left for questions. Every time and effort should be carefully dedicated to saving a world that is so in need of help. There's too much suffering in this world for anyone to worry about self-centered gains.

I'm inspired by people who dedicate their lives to serve and love the broken. I'm dead afraid of the journey ahead. Nursing is tough. But I need this training to mature, grow and be competent before I can reach out to the world at a macro level. I need strength, courage, self-discipline and wisdom to journey on in this precious calling.


Pardon me I think I'm a bit incoherent because its very late in the night and I'm not exactly thinking carefully


Goodnight and God bless.