IM gettin lazier to blog day by day cos this blog doesnt alwayz represent what i reli feel about things.. keep havin to put on a farcade about how im so cheery about evrything cos i don reli fancy pple worryin for me.

Well.. cheers to fainting and bleeding on the dojo.

I did 10 3 min bouts... first time im doin it.. and it had to be on e day i was sick.

And well i fainted. When i got a hold of myself or when i was more sobre after evrything.. all the pain started to surface...
NEW bruises, injuries, painful bleeding abrasions.. stupid ol' shoulder injury.

Thanks to judo.. My legs and hands are gettin interesting patterns.. Polka dots!

JUdo ROCKS!

Econs exam tmr and im reli not lookin forward to it.

if i screw this exam up... itll most prolly be reli e end of me... even tho it may juz be a mid year.. but theres juz so many things u dont know..

SO many things im extremely tired of.. and i dono if ill hav e strength to deal with all these inevitable upcoming obstacles...

if i screw evrything and my life this year... which i will... ill be reli done for. reli.. its gona be e end of me.

I dread all of these.. I cant contemplate these thoughts.. juz the thought scares me. Plus all thts happening is really draining off my already limited supply of energy.. i dono if i can live through this.. its too terrifying.

Evrything will be gone.. all my aspirations.. my dreams.. my parents will hate me to e core.. My future.. e things ive been workin towards all my life... they're diminishing.. fading.

It was so terrible.. horrifying.. the last time it happened.. i cant imagine what will happen if it does again.. i cant even contemplate these thoughts.. all the quarrels.. the sadness.. te pain.. the tears.. the nights.. the breakdowns.. the exasperation.

I was tryina be like you.. trying to stay strong like u wanted me to.. Im so sorry... its juz too hard...