Currently...im sitting on my bed..in e comfort of e air-con and under my sunflowery duvet like e Queen of Sheeba, breathing in flowery scented air. (lately ive been pretty crazed abt flowery scents. Apart from my rose jossticks, i av a stronger essence of freesia flower powder which needs some controlling by being wrapped up in its lil plastic bag lest it goes outta hand and explodes into all sortsa flowery scent and v soon ull find daisies poking out from my books and dresses. Okay why am i typing abt flower scents. this bracket shd end pretty soon)
Mornings are so beautiful..and its e time of e day when we're most clear-headed..at least thts true for me..a clear-headed morning either makes me cry or smile. Cry cos im clear-headed enough to know whats going..and theres no way i can be in denial or hav other activities to keep myself busy from...Smile cos a clear-headed me reflects alot on life...the world..humanity and dadada..and thts e only thing tht keeps me going. and y do i say tht.
To tell u e truth..alot of things i post on this blog isn't reli what i call e truth. U can see a very cheerful post here and see a depressing one on my private diary or blog.
Lately ive been tryina find e real meaning in life...like for once in my life..i stopped..to reflect on life. and suddenly ive realized...how much ive been dragging myself evryday..And den im doin things to drag and push myself on..to carry on with life..bcos the more i think abt how pointless my life reli is..the more i wana let go. Suddenly..ive realized how shallow my life has been. Like im just fleeting about evryday...living life each day..wonderin what to do today dadada.
and i feel reli shallow...bcos i mean duh i am. Alot of things in my life..e lil bits of it..they're all superficial and shallow. Wats e point in life if ur living on this planet like such a selfish bitch..and bcos of certain adversities ive been gg through in my life quite lately..ive been desperate to find real happiness..I flipped through my diaries to look for moments when i was truly happy..not jsut happy...do i realize tt i was only truly happy when i realized i have some worth on this planet...like doing something meaningful...like helping others..and portrayign acts of simple kindness.and helping others who are in need.
The world is in need of helping hands..to reach out to those in need of it..be it hungry children in Africa..disaster victims..or even suffering animals. why dont we make ourselves useful by doing something for this world...n den i found the meaning of life...and how thankful i m for it. im given this life...so tht i am given the opportunity to help others. SO ya..thts e thing thts gona keep me gg :)
to tell u e truth, a lifelong ambition of mine is to be a doctor..and not jsut a local doctor u see in neighbourhood clinics either..but doctors tht travel e world to giv free treatments to those in need of it. But honestly..thts gona be but a dream. bcos obviously..i do not have such amazin brain power abilities to be a doctor in e first place. and like the boy in the book entitled "the Alchemist" whos pursuing his dreams...hes just contended with living his life as it is..bcos pursuing his dream is tough...just like getting 4 As is tough...hence he just wants to simply drop out..and stop pursuing it. Many pple are like tt...and den they'd jst die...not bein able to do the things theyd dreamt of doin in this lifetime of theirs. SO in any case..whether i can make it or not..im still just gona work hard and giv it a go. If i cant after trying my best..then i guess its not meant to be after all..i can go for other jobs and still do something meaningful right. But at least im able to live with the knowledge tht at least id tried pursuing it.
U noe what? im just gg on and on and on and on while pondering and thinking. U noe like those lil exercises in which ull av to write out, without a care in e world, about what ur thinking without pausing. So this post is like super unorganised and pardon e bad english pls.
Seriously im not making any sense at ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
So if u dont und anything here...its ok cos id rather u not at all!! HAHA cos for once..id decided to try to be honest on this blog and type out what i reli feel about things. Damn it feels weird to expose my inner feelngs. okay i feel reli uncomfortable abt this so im only gg to post this up for a few days. BYE
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