Today went off... at least less tormenting than ytd..
At least i could smile and forget about it at certain intervals of the day..

"Its over"
"Its not ur fault"
bla bla bla

Its easier said than done. when mates cry or go utterly depressed over losin in comps... id say the same thing and wondered why it hit em so hard... Now.. do i reli und how terrible it reli feels...

Id wake up and think about it.. sleep and dream about it.. i wana forget evrything... but it keeps haunting..

I wish i could forget what happened.. bcos its been tormenting me so much its terrible and i hate feeling this way
I dono if ill ever get over it.. I don think ive ever felt so horrid over a failure before...not even in track days.. not even in sec days as far as i can rmb.. apart from gettin my O results.

I wish it were juz a terrible nightmare... a nightmare im dyin to wake up from..

my heart feels so heavy its hard to even conc.. juz as i could finally get my mind onto something else as i was doin my hmwk in e lib...
a nanyang girl walked past...

Shit and it all came back... memories flooded back...

Its so exasperating to hav to pick myself up countless and countless of times after falling over and over again... juz as ive mustered enough strength to carry on walking... a stone comes hurdling in my direction.. again.. and again.. and again.

only this time.. its a reallly.. big.. heavy stone.

i guess... after all these... after all e probs.. after pickin myself up so many times... it wouldnt be too impossible to pick myself up again..it wont be hard.. ill b alright.

I will stay strong... im juz not too alright at e mo... but reli ill be fine.

Pls dont talk to me about this wen u see me alright?
e last thing i need is for someone to remind me abt what happened

ill reli be ok.. Ive reli got to pick myself up again...

I mean things have started to look up... surprisingly... mom didnt pick a quarrel with me after seein my terrible mid results... something ive been dreading..

it hurts soo much evrytime they accuse me of this and that when its not true.. and theres nothing i can do bcos they wont believe that i reli did study... I dread e family quarrels bcos it hurts so bad to be hav such a strained relationship with pple u love but wont trust u.

Ive alwayz wanted to do well... esp for mids... after what ms lim told my parents...ive been trying so hard... bcos im too emotionally drained and tired of my parents maligning me for bein e worst daughter in e world...

But yea... i guess mom could see tht.. ive been trying...trying to do well.. i wish she'd seen this earlier.. den i wouldnt hav felt so tortured all these while...

okay time to stop emo-ing

OKAY im gonna watch harry potter tmr!!
seein daniel radcliffe will perk me up!!!

Tmr's gona be a reli cool day!!!

AND IM reli tired anyway

SO IM GONNA go to bed and sleeep my ass off on my new found 10 day old PILLOWWWW

ITS been a gorgeous 10 night experience cos its reli fluffy and comfy