today was another mileage - im not sure if its spelt this way - trainin..we ran all the way into the reli remote park..the one with the 2.8km route. But of course we ran more than just that since we made detours and all. Well despite the really awful sun..i still..tried going on. Priscilla was with us..so it was a really different matter..cos she'd kill us if we got too tired to run. under all that intense pressure ringing in my head..(um well its of course an exaggeration since its not any competition)....i kept talking to myself just to amuse myself. well im not an expert at amusing pple..at least i could amuse myself i was thinking.
This was what i was amusin myself at during the run:
during the run..i swallowed something..im not sure what it was but i thot it was......sweat. Mayb there was a sweat gland in my throat. I had neva heard of that in my biology lessons. So therefore..i was someone..well u could say special since no-one eva has a sweat gland stickin up their throat. Then theres the extraordinary pple in the show called "guiness book of records" where pple have extraordinary talents..and u could say bodies. but those pple get to proof their unique-ness..like a guy who could pull out his nose..he did it in front of the audience mind u! But i was seriously not sure how i was eva gona show the audience that there was a sweat gland in my throat - unless they did a major operation in the studio...cut my throat open and show the audience the extraordinary sweat gland. Yergh!!! No-No My imagination was goin all wrong. i wasnt suppose to imagine this.
I was snapped back to reality by arabel's heavy panting. She probably has asthma again. Anyway..i did manage to finish the run..without the imaginations at the later part of the run..i dont think id eva imagine again. um..No id thought i said, "i would neva wana imagine my whole life eva" yesterday night. Id imagine something really horrible yesterday..it even got to me. When i wanted to stop imagining..i couldnt..But i kept telling myself," its alright none of that happened. ur rite back to reality" but i was too traumatised by my imaginations. I really was. Who ever in the world said imaginations could take u far.
This was what i had imagined last nite:
I was studying the night before the GCEs exam..then i got so stressed i ran to the kitchen to grab a knife and wanted to stab myself in the middle of the night. (id wanted to do that durin my final year exams this year actually...um i must be mad) i kept crying..then mum and dad came to me and tried comforting me..but none of their words would help me through my exams would it..i just asked them to keep quiet..then i must have gone mad and flinged the knife around and accidentally stabbed my whole family. then when i realized what id done...i was Mortified..i was in a total state of shock. My mind was whirling. i dropped the knife. then i saw my hands..stained with blood. Not only was i wasting time to study for the exams..I was gona die in jail and my name was gona be flashed all ova the world for being a horrible murderer..wot would my frens think? then i could get the support i needed from my parents but....Their gone! and id killed em. I loved em so much. I ran to my room..i screamed! to myself of course..like a mad person. Id lost everything..my whole life..my family. then i thot i could talk to god..God couldnt forgive me for wot id done could he? Nothing in the world can save me now! I just wana kill myself..but im afraid of the pain. I was a total nothing..no life no future..i am in a total state of mental..I SCREAM!!!!
Right there and there on my bed..i was panting reli hard imagining all these..i couldnt get over it that i was just imagining..my heart was still racing. I just wanted to cry. My imaginations were so horrible. I was not gona be able to sleep tonight, i thot to myself..I was neva gona imagine again! eva! then i totally sympathized murderers out there. i had only imagined all that but those murderers...They'd committed it. im surprised that not all murderers have gone crazy.Killing another is the worst thing in the world to happen. Whoo! scary imaginations.