Hi

Hey u guyz

thank u so much for those tags. No it wasnt draggy at all..i treasured all ur msgs so much xox.
I am so lucky to have so many wonderful frenz like all of u. U guyz are the best in the world. whateva it is...the smses, letters or woteba. I treasured evry single one of them thnk u so much xxx

im feeling a lil better now. Ive not been talking to God for a reli long time so it feels weird. I guess ive looked at things with an open-mind. I hope to speak to him agen.

But ytd...Nothing turned out so well...in fact it was the same as the day i found out my results.

My parents were dissing me...they were accusing me all sorts...how Hateful i am and telling me how much they hate me and how terrible i reli am... They've been doin it for quite some time.

Infact...they've been doin this since my prelim results were out. At first...i thot it was gona be temporary....this horrible treatment from my family. whateva they said hurt me alot..i wished theyd stop. Bcos i was starting to believe what they said. I kept telling myself i was the worst person in the whole planet bcos evryone thinks so. I hated myself bcos my parents told me they hate me. I could neva look at my life with a positive attitude bcos i knew i was the worst girl to eva walked this planet...i am nothing good. But i thot this was gona be temporary....I kept holdin on to this day.....When i thot God would help me with my Os....since he was the one who was with me the whole of the exam....

And den i realized...it was gona be permanent. All the dissing..all the curses..all the scoldings. Bcos it turned out my Os wasnt as good as id expected.

it came agen...all the stuff poured out from their mouths. I just stood there...and allow em to accuse me for evrything....Dad even said if i dont stop havin all the bad habits...Ill be out of the family. But i went out and shop only after I completed my Os....They didnt see the side when i was burning the midnight oil evry single night for those past few months. They didnt mention how hard i worked. They knew i worked hard. Bcos b4 the results were out....They were the one who told me i had done my best. Whateva i get...just be happy about it.

But instead of comforting me....They scolded me...cursed me. They werent like tht before. All they care about is results. They didnt care how hard i worked.

I was sufferin so much these past few months...How squashed i was bcos they kept squashing my pride...my evrything....tht i cry evry night in my bed...and wonder why do they do this to me? why torture me this way? I suffer from so much bcos i hate myself for what they wanted me to believe i am. That im a good for nothing....Im not good enough for the family...that im the worst grandaughter their family has eva got.

Until ytd, i could take it no longer....For the first time, instead of running to my room to do the crying....I broke down in front of them. Evrything i felt flooded out. I yelled and screamed. WHy do u hate me so much. WHy torture me this way. Evrytime i stand up from a fall...u guyz push me to the ground again and make it all worse. Why do this to me?


and thats when i ran to my room. And i cried in bad hiccups. I spoke to weiyu on the fone...bcos i could not take it any longer...she was crying too.

But i guess eva since that yelling....Mom suddenly stopped the scoldings...i guess she suddenly realized what they were doin to me. They were clueless all along...how bad they were treating me. Until the yellings. She felt hurt i could tell. Hah!

All they eva did since i fell durin prelims was cursing and dissing at me...and only praises for Sis. Whateva sis has done wrong....they push the blame to me. They say im the one...when i knew all along it was sis doin it...Sis tried to say it was her too...but all they do is...'No its shufen, i know it.'

But what could i do. I just walked back to my room and ponder upon what they say. Ive been doin this for so long.

But i guess since ytd, my parents have lightened up. Which is a good thing.

I was sufferin from so much depression ytd that I had a terrible migrain and I vomitted for no apparent reason at all.

I even told sis that i was not gona talk to them anymore. They;ve inflicted too much hurt on me. But a talk with Arch made me lighten up as well.

Which is good. So im feeling better now. NO more terrible depression. Though a lil sadness. But its better than a total depression hopeless case.