im juz destined to be stupid arent I?

I studied so hard when pple like esther didnt study at all..and get scholarships.

I had so much hope..i held on to this moment bcos id thot this moment would change evrything...i kept holdin onto faith.

Im juz so wrong. Life is so meaningless...ill nvr do anything right.

im destined to be a failure..i noe it its in my bones ..im born to do this..to fail.

i took a nap to forget evrything but when i woke up...i lay in bed and peeked in between my bolsters to watch the trees sway towards the evening breeze and im back to reality. No it was not a nightmare its real. for an hour..i lay on my bed..like a dead corpse gazin into space and at the sky. Its horrible

And its like its sinking into u. like nothing will eva be right agen. Bcos if i worked so hard and get such results...it makes me wonder what i can do right in life. My As will be much worse. Suddenly..life seems so bleak. Its so void of hope.

Previously after the Os...i had so much hope and faith. The only thing that kept me going was that. i thot i was gona do well..i thot god would help..thought he could see my efforts

But no. if i worked so hard and got such terrible results...how am i ever gona cope with any challenges in life agen. Nothing will ever be right again. it made no difference from prelim. Im sick of guessing

Suddenly..evrything seems to be in a horrible whirl..like uve just got urself caught in a twister and u cant get out of it. Im never gona be a doctor like how i wanted to since i was young. Id longed to have the ability to save pple's lives...esp in the third world countries and to provide free treatment. i cant im too stupid to do anything like dat anymore.

And ive not prayed abt anything at all cos i dont know if God's gona be here with me ever agen.

in the hall..i broke down and cried..i couldnt believe it...at all. I reli couldnt believe what i was seeing. I guess ms ng could tell from my expression and she said she;ll speak to me afterwards. She's so nice.

I felt bad for the pple comforting me..so i tried to stop crying bcos i don wana trouble em. Mdm Jo was so awesome. She made me cry more cos i was so touched.
Mr fong too. I was so touched by what he said...he was sharing his life's experience...he said he was goin to see me holding a university cert five years down the row. He was so awesome. Yea he made me cry more too.
And mr sim and all...And mr rauf he was so awesome he offered help and stuff..all the teachers in AI are awesome...im so touched.

And im so touched by arabel and what she said about joining track with me to appeal into AJ. She's an awesome fren. And simying, sindu and amanda. and evryone else. I love u guyz. Im crying now.

evrything was in a whirl in the hall...pple were crying..cheering...And i jst wanted to be alone. and i kept asking why. Why this? where have i gone wrong. I dont even noe where im going from here. I reli dont. Ive forgotten how to walk on. i dont even noe what im supposed to do now. why this